so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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