yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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