remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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