I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
