we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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