3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
