wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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