i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
