Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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