a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
