i was born a porn star she said
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
