I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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