you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
