hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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