I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
