His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
