If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
