He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He passed out mid-signature
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
