so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
