just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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