He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My penis needs a shock collar
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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