but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
