that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
