i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
