he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
