dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
