I am in a vortex of obligation.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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