you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
