that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
