Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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