While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
