No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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