is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
