How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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