You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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