It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
