There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
