Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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