He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
