I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
