You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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