i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
