I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
