my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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