i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
