You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
