anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
