And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
