I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
