she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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